My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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