Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
