Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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