new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
