when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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