we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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