she was so not down for the gang bang
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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