Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
