Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
