U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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