I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
