Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
