Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize