they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
