So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
