my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
