I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize