This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
