walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
whose parrot is this?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
