Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
