she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
