my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
