garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
pray to the hookup gods
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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