It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
