So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All the doctor said was why
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize