We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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