this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
