So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
