you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
