Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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