I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
