Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
