All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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