you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
