i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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