So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
