We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
