if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
