I'm eating all of the evidence.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
