My Higher Power is John Stamos
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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