Where is the hickey?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
