This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
