Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize