This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
