fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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