yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
