she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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