What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
