im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
