all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
