Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We left the knife in your bed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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