jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
