if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize