Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
