I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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