"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
