the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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