New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
