I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
is wine microwaveable?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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