Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
