after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
jump out the window naked night went bad
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
