yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
