He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
