I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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