i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Randomize
