hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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