Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I came so hard my ears popped.
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