i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
