i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
