Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
