So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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