Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I intend to get homeless drunk
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
