He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
