Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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