oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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