My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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