I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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