Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I need to align my fucking chakras
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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