I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
