Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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