R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
pray to the hookup gods
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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