i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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