how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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